No more hiding just me. me against this fuck up world called my reality. And sometimes I can't stand tall because I feel broken, and destroyed. Where's my armor at, or some type of weapon to put me in my comfort zone. None of that, just me. Small little ol lisa, shameful me. This world is a cold one, but only the strong survive, so let's see if I can make it into battlefield.....

Closed Out.

shellz

dear lover,
i figuered starting this off with a nice name would capture ur attention & make you feel like everything is alright.but truth be told.i regret ever meeting you.
i regret the day we first said "i love you".laying down and having a child is the only part i dont wish to take back.
but ur lies & your cheating and you dog ways just makes me sick.when i see you i have a urge to just kill you.
i really sit back and question myself y? y did i fall for you? y wasnt i strong enough to just let go & nip this all in the bud b4 it became this drastic
but i sumwhere deep inside of my torn broken up heart.still do love you.still want to claim you,something you found hard to do with me.
i think ive cried enough.been broken into more than just 2.not only hurting me but hurting yourself.to lie and move on and oretend that all of this
was just another writen subjuect in your book of games.but this chapter was more than just wat you expreienced in the past.i think it was more than you couldve bared
but how can i go on basing my life on wat couldve been.what shouldve been.and why isnt things perfect & layed down the way i thought it would be

Dear John Doe,
Im writing you this letter to let you know what you have done to me.You made me fall for you and as bad as this sounds, I cant fall out. i have a son by you, we are all well aware of that and at times, I wish it wasnt by you. I wish we didnt share a special connectiont that will always have ties to each other. Now this might sound selfish, but at times I hate you. I hate you so much, I would rather just not see you ever again. At times when i do hate you, you know I do. You make me feel so beautiful but then you make me feel so ugly. When we argue, I hate just the presence of you. But then when i do love you, I just can't help myself. I love everything about you down to the weird looking toes that holds me when I'm in your arms. Loving you is deadly to me because at times, it leaves breatheless but you know all about that, huh? What have you done to me, why have you done this to me. You stupid prick, hating you has become easy to me. I love you more than life itself that it's impossible for me to even look twice at the damage you have caused my heart. Us argueing which we always do only becomes by way of connecting you. Im dissappointed in myself because I let you get this close before destroying me. I let you get so close that I let you almost lose my sanity. My son looks like you which sickens me to the core. Oh lord, is this my punishment because a love like this I cant take it anymore, but can't help but want some more.

i miss her so much, you can't even imagine.I lost him and now, I'm mad that I did. Why couldn't we at least work it out and try to change something. Idk we could of tried alittle harder or did something different. I'm mad that i did, I'm mad i let him go. I loved him, more than I loved myself.Was that a mistake to do so? First real jog and it felt good. Baby gone so I have extra time to do me alittle and recover from janelle moving to NC. I miss her so much, because I don't have nobody to ask, "are you okay?" It's just me, so then that suck major cookies.

the math to a relationship

as i try to block you from being this essence to my light
it's subtracted by the harmony of your soul
if you add the bliss and muiltiple the pain
you find one angry little girl
searching for her lost love
the math in our relationship will always divide itself
so you see what im saying
if i take 1/2 of us and put 1/3 then would you understand my equation?
fraction out my heart and i'll show you my soul
you took me to cloud 9 in drift me on tha moon
felt so special close to be brand new
even though it was for a period of time
it was as if those few moments were all mine

i lost three people in three weeks and I must say, it hurts like shit. I can't trust himself neither less to say him.

how do i let qo of somethinq that helps my heart beat